Testing out the hospital

This week I had chance to test drive the medical system where I live. I became ill as the weekend came upon me. A great way to start off some much needed time to relax. I thought I was catching a cold that everyone around here loves to share by not covering their mouth when they sneeze. It goes along with that spitting thing they do with great frequency. Well by Monday I wasn’t any better, in fact I was worse off. So off I went to a new local international clinic about two and half blocks from my apartment. They opened the same time we got here about five months ago. They also direct bill our insurance company or in other words they accept our insurance. They were quick to take care of me and gave traditional medication for what the doctor thought was the cause of the problem. But he recommended I stay overnight for observation at the clinic. Great! Well to make matters worse and to get to the meat of the story, the medication didn’t work and it’s off to Shekou People’s Hospital in the local ambulance.
If I wasn’t so sick I would have been laughing all the way to the hospital. Then I would have started crying once I got to the hospital but I knew Shekou People’s Hospital is better known as Old Shekou Hospital. It is not the place to be when you’re sick or injured. But it is a hospital. In fact we were told that if we had the opportunity due to illness or injury to call the school and they would transport us with a bilingual staff member to the Beijing University Hospital of Shekou. A top notch place I’m told. The clinic I went to has a contract with Old Shekou and that is where I was packed up to go. Prior to going the doctor told the nurse twice I needed a stretcher and should not walk to the ambulance. “Yes doctor!” Off went the doctor to take care of more patiences and the ambulance from a left over era arrived. No stretcher but a carrying chair with tiny solid rubber wheels. It was like a hand truck you use to move boxes but in the form of a chair with handles on the back and front feet of the chair. I’ve seen and may have used one before. Two guys are supposes to carry the person sitting in the chair in order to move around tight corners. Unfortunately, there is no other guy but me and a guy from the hospital. So down I sit and the pain began to add to the pain I was in from my illness. Out the front door and we wait by the elevator to take me to the ambulance. The door opens but then a discussion ensues with the guy pushing my chair, a cleaning lady, the staff member from the clinic, a door man from the building, and may be the ghost of the Chairman was there but I was on the verge of passing out by then. Eileen, my wife was there so I’m counting on her memory. Well, we don’t take the elevator.
Down the ramp we go on to the cobble stone court yard of the megaplex of buildings the clinic is located in. Remember this thing I’m on has solid rubber wheels and did I mention cobble stone court yard…oh yes, I did. Down the ramp we go and I’m thinking, “Glorification day for Dave! Glorification day for Dave!” Sorry for that but my sister-in-law Donna will understand this side line story. Okay in my case the guy didn’t let go of my chair but I’m bumping around the court yard that is wide enough to drive a couple of tanks around! Why couldn’t that bring the ambulance right up the building you ask? I don’t know. Now we’re coming up to the ambulance where the other guy is wondering where we were. He drove the hearse, I mean meat truck, I mean the ambulance to pick us up.
A whole 30 meters! He pulls out a, guess what, a stretcher! This thing was rather rusty but down I plop and with out being strapped in off I go into the cavern of no return. Okay, according to Eileen this thing was full of stuff that should have come toppling down on my head which may be a new kind of Chinese pain killer. The thing was last cleaned when Ronald Reagan was in charge of...California! You felt ever bump along the way. Fortunately, we’re at the hospital after 5 minutes. I now go to head to a toilet and made my way through a smokers’ heaven, yes they do smoke in the lobbies of this place. The bathroom reflected the decorum of the entire hospital. Old peeling gray paint, broken fixtures, leaking pipes, windows that may close but have enough cracks in them for ventilation, bugs testing out the latest drugs, burn marks from guys putting out their smokes and the “left over” from the guy before me floating around for target practice in a toilet that was missing a seat. Now down I seat in a wheel chair that was around when wheels were discovered that they work better if they were round. The rust trail down the hallways is one way to see which direction the patience went.
Off they push me to get an ultrasound. No go, can’t see a thing because there is too much urine in the way. Drain this guy’s bladder, the major reason why I’m there. Off we go up stairs to the doctor’s office and I plop myself on the table. I was told I was going to get drained one way back in the clinic but the Chinese doctor was go to drain me his way, which was best way I was told later. After a very painful process a tube was inserted and the fluid from within was now out! Oh, the table I was on was made of wood next to an open window with vines growing through it. The world at that moment heard me hit the high notes with great vigor. So now let’s head back down to get an ultrasound. You can walk there or you can sit in this wheelchair. Where’s the stretcher or gurney? Oh those guys are on a lunch break. Okay, I’ll sit because I’m a bit tired from get a tube job just a minute ago. I’m now being wheeled toward a set of out side cement stairs that has a fire escape sign above the door. Ah, what a kind doctor, I thought. He wants me to get a breath of fresh air! Nope, get up and walk downstairs to the next floor. There I’ll get you another Ben Hur aged wheel chair to take you to the ultrasound office. Hey, did they move the elevators we just used to get to your office or are they on a lunch break?! Forget I mentioned it. I walked on down without much trouble and should have continued to the Sonar Room to check for fish in my belly because when I got downstairs I waited for the wheel chair to arrive from the repair shop, one round wheel and the other an octagon. Okay, they discovered my problem using the sonar and down we go to the first floor to get the meds and check out.
The clinic had their driver pick us up a nice large car and drive us back so I could receive the treatment of antibiotics in their care for the next few days. We could have taken the ambulance but they were busy, oil change maybe. I can say despite the outer functions of the local hospital they were quick. Of course the reason for this is the contract the hospital has with this western clinic gives us expats priority treatment, so I’m told. I hope you had a nice laugh but the story I tell is true. Also note where I went is just one hospital in Shenzhen. The entire city has more than one. I’m sure their elevators work.